Man Turns 30 in Hopes Age Will Convince People He’s Actual Adult

Man in bowtie with stars on it, signifying clear adulthood

For many, Thursday was an ordinary day, full of insane POTUS tweets, poor air quality, and pre-holiday-season dread. But, for Matthew Wilson, Nov. 15, 2018 marked the day he officially joined 11.1 million men-children in becoming an “adult”.

“I mean, my twenties were chill, but 30 — that’s like a big deal, you know?” Wilson told reporters. “Like, I can finally stop walking around pretending I know what I’m doing and just, like, you know…know what I’m doing.”

Whether or not Wilson will ever truly know what he’s doing has yet to be determined, though experts encourage the reduction of mansplaining and similar compensatory actions 2 out of 3 men habituate by the time they’re 27.

30-year-old man fed main food group by girlfriend

Dr. Cindy Sheppard, a research psychologist at UC Irvine who studies men-children in her lab and less intentionally on bad dates, says one’s age does not guarantee entry into adulthood.

“As supposed men in the United States hit 30, the data shows the number of sophisticated responses to the world actually decreases,” Dr. Sheppard said over the phone. “It’s like they think an age will offset one’s need to be accountable. Which it doesn’t.”

Dr. Sheppard explained one’s age could potentially ensure maturity, but it’s not a safe generalization to make.

“The idea would be that, the more life experience one has gained, the more they learn from it and how to behave in a more reasonable, rational manner beyond that of the terrible-twos,” Dr. Sheppard said. “However, given there are certain 72-year-old men in positions of power whose behavior still mimics a child’s or baby chimpanzee, there’s a dangerous possibility that these men-children may never grow up.”

For more evidence like that found in Dr. Sheppard’s research, call 1–800-MANFINTS or download essentially any dating app on your smartphone.

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